How many times has this happened to you? This has happened to me a bunch of times! I have been traveling across the land in a jet plane, meeting with customers all day, and then it is time to check into a hotel for a much needed rest.

The hotel is overbooked. The suggestion is to share a room with somebody. While looking around the hotel lobby, I see only men. Ugly men, not even a cute one. I am seriously thinking about spending the night in my rental car in the parking lot. Then I see a nice woman that I know. Or think I know.

Once I walked up to a woman and started talking to her about our past life and after about half an hour she looks at me and says, "Who are you?" Turns out that she is a cousin of the woman I know. She was a complete stranger and I went right up to her and started talking as though it was nothing. That was a pretty good icebreaker though.

Overbooked hotel, pretty woman who happens to have a gun, and a room with two queen size beds so it's all good and I will finally be able to get some sleep. No matter what she is doing with the light on. I figure that "It" couldn't happen again, or three times in a row, and the last time(s) "It" happened were years ago and more years ago. Soon I am dead asleep while congratulating myself that I am no longer paranoid.

Zzz wonderful sleep. Seriosly enjoying the sack time. Then I am awakened in a dark room with a gun to my head. I try to say something like "Why do I have a gun pointed at my head?" I can't move because I am in some kind of bedspread wrestling hold.

She says, "Why were you bouncing on my bed ?" And sometimes "How dare you bounce me on my bed?"

I say "What, I wasn't bouncing on your bed!". The first few times this happened, I would then point out that she was actually daring to bounce on my bed. This would get a reaction that was different each time because the woman was different each time, and it was always counterproductive. After the first two times "It" happened I have learned to not point out that she was bouncing on my bed even though it was obvious.

She says that she looked around the room and there isn't anyone else in the room so I must have been bouncing on her bed because there is no other explanation. If you think a woman can talk a lot when she is angry, believe it a woman with a gun can be really, really long winded. As this has happened to me a few times, I have learned to keep quiet and wait. At this point I realize that she smells like tequila, I don't have any condoms, and she is bouncing on my bed in the middle of the night. We are already half naked and touching together even though it is a wrestling hold. Suddenly another earthquake happens.

This gives me the opportunity to point out that it was an earthquake that bounced her bed and it really wasn't my fault and perhaps she should go back to sleep? Here again I have learned to keep it brief because there really isn't much to say after she screams at the earthquake and jumps into my bed rather than on top of it. Damn the tequila! If you haven't been in an earthquake before...